Islamic World

The summer is here and lots of wedding cards are lying on my table. Some exclusively deserve to participate in the ‘Best Wedding Card’ competitions. These days your status in the society is directly proportional to your son’s our daughter’s ‘exclusive wedding invitation’. Now a days wedding ceremonies have special ‘Event Planners’ who plan it according to your budgets. Many new careers have been carved out of this self invented compulsion in social custom.

    Look at the expenses mentioned below that tell us how our wedding budgets are getting obese .Kindly note that the below mentioned money is not to be spend on the groom and bride but on other people.

1. Hiring the Hall           15,000/ - 1,00,000/
2. Decorating the Hall    20,000/-  1,00,000/
3. Welcome drinks         10,000/ -   50,000/
4. Starters                      25,000 –   3,0,000/
5. Dinner                     1,00,000 -   ………./
6. Wedding Cards  
7. Hotel rooms for out station guests…….
8. Local transportation for outstation guests
9. Gifts to the close relatives of groom by the bride’s family
10. …… 11………12………..

These are some compulsory expenses which have become a norm of our times. People have sold of their flats and other properties to meet the expenses of daughters. A close neighbour I know of, owned a big business and stayed in a large two bedroom apartment. He had four daughters. During the marriage of his first daughter he sold his flat and shifted to a smaller apartment. A couple of years later he sold his smaller flat too and shifted to a smaller apartment. By the time his fourth daughter got married, the man was selling post cards on the footpaths of the city!

     An Islamic marriage is easy to plan and you can plan to make it easy. But the point is, how do  we convince our elders that we want to save their hard earned money? It all depends upon how strong your arguments are. Begin with some questions to yourselves and your elders.  Is it necessary to invite a huge crowd even if we are rich? Do you know how much money just an ice cream costs which is served after the dinner?  Is it wise to spend lacs of Rupees for a few hours of get together?

  How many nikah take place in our own city every May-June? Hundreds ! If we save our wealth from being paid to caterers, decorators ! How about conducting nikah in Masjids only ? Our Masjids are community centers. We can save huge amount  of wealth. Next time when some one in your family is getting married don’t forget to offer your polite suggestions. Who knows how many families can be saved from getting bankrupt dues to marriages ! And Allah too rightly says” who ever intercedes for a good cause shall have a share in it… Surah Nisa' ch 4, verse 86

Author : Nisaar Nadiadwala can be reached at nisaar_yusuf@yahoo.com

The evidence is in the verse 31,of Surah Rum : And among his signs is that He created mates for you from you, and in them you find solace , and He made affection and mercy between you. In this are signs for people who are intelligent

“ how many marriages do you manage to fix up every year”? I had asked this question to a matrimonial center few years back. “ We have over 500 bio datas but manage to get only 12- 15 people get married”. I thought that his organization was inefficient in fixing marriages, so I cross checked it with a few other centers but the statistics seemed parallel. It’s a truth that the Muslims have started delaying the marriages of young men and women not realizing the harm that it is causing to the community and their deen

If some one wants to gauge the results of delayed marriages then let him study the scattered family life of the West. The Marriages there face stiff competition from legalized gayism, lesbianism, live in relations, open affairs………

An average Muslim youth may not go into these sins due to the social bonds that they enjoy, but there are other equally dangerous secret sinful options due to the suppression of sexual desires. If sexual urge is not addressed at the right age and the right way then, there are ways which offers shameless refuge to the youth. This gives rise to porn watching, fantasy sex, masturbation, visiting prostitutes and other secret acts that damage the mental health of a large number of youth.

Islam has protected modesty through halal options. The right age of marriage in the Islamic law is the age of puberty, but in a Non Muslim country like India where the law permits you to get married at the age of 21 if you are a boy and 18 if you are a girl then why prevent the young people from getting married by frightening them from questions like” how will you focus on your career?” or “what will you feed?” “are you standing on your feet?” The Non Muslim Gujarati Community gets their boys married by the time they are twenty two, so that by the time this young men finish their graduation and take up the reins of their father’s business or a job their father is still young around 50 and he joins a charitable organization and gives time for the community service. There are no less then hundred such centers superbly run by the Gujarati community’s middle aged young men who have time.

There are a few common reasons for delayed marriages in the society

Boys want to complete their studies and feel that their spouse may disturb them. Ah! There are so many industrialists, entrepreneurs, sportsmen..... who not only have wives and children but also multiple companies, and events to focus on. Many of them even find time to go around with girl friends, yet they flourish. So how can your wife be an obstacle in your prosperity?

Impractical Expectations : With item girls, fashion models and beauty princess rewriting the definition of good looks, every young men hunts or desires a tall, fair and slim girl. “ My Dream Girl” is the title floating in their minds. On the other hand, the beautiful girl’s parents will settle for men who are rich, own a car, and afford expensive holidays and above all, they must not have many sisters to interfere in the daughters affair. “ after all my daughter is beautifoooool” So the hunt goes on and young men wait for money and the beautiful girl wait for rich men.

Lack of fund for Marriage and Rituals: One of the reasons of the Prophet hood of Muhammed (pbuh) is clearly mentioned in Surah Ar’af ch 7 verse 157:…. He frees them from the yokes bonded on their necks….. Lavish Walima, Expensive gifts to the realtives of bride and groom are the yokes in our necks. Islam has made marriage easy. Walimas are not supposed to be hosted in huge halls and invitations are not a status symbol if you cannot afford them. We have elevated these customs but there were marriages in the Prophet’s time when the sahaba did not invite him in their walimas. !!!!

There can be hundred more reasons I can write and refute them all, but for time being let me free you so that you may think over it yourselves.

Source:http://nisaaryusuf.islamexplored.in/2011/06/delayed-marriages-bitter-fruits-plucked.html